


Why It Hurts

by darth_meg



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Canon, Cute Cole (Dragon Age), Danarius being an Asshole, Escape, F/F, F/M, Freedom, Helpful Cole (Dragon Age), Near Death, Regret, Seheron, Self-Discovery, Slave Fenris, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_meg/pseuds/darth_meg
Summary: After brutally slaughtering the Fog Warriors at the bidding of Danarius, Fenris flees into the deadly jungles of Seheron, where he struggles to survive under the weight of the constant rain and his sins.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the new weekly writing prompts on the Dragon Age subreddit! This is my first foray into fanfiction since I was 10. It's been a long time! Hope you enjoy!

It has rained constantly since that day.  
  
He is shivering in a small hollow underneath an outcropping of rock. It is not quite large enough to keep the rain from blowing in, but he has been walking for hours in the deluge and can go no further.  
  
He no longer knows how many days have passed. He has slept little, and eaten nothing since then. By his best guess, it has been six, perhaps seven days. He has never been so cold, so empty, so tired. All the rain of the past days have not been enough to wash the blood from underneath his fingernails.  
  
I am going to die here, he thinks. Surely it is no more than he deserves, to die cold, alone.  
  
_You deserve more, imekari._  
  
He shakes his head and hot tears arise unbidden in his eyes.  
  
Her voice fills his mind, low and quiet. She had told him to fetch her something. Instinctively, he had replied, _yes, domina._ She slapped him, knocked him on his feet with the force of it.  
  
_You bow to no one, kadan._  
  
He chokes as sobs wrack his chest. He has wept, screamed in the hot pain of punishment, but never has he felt such complete and total despair. Never has he felt he could not breath for grief.  
  
_Not to me. Not to anyone._  
  
He had felt her heart beat rapidly in his fist, had looked into her eyes as she grasped feebily at his arm. He had squeezed her heart to bursting as she choked out her last words.  
  
_Kadan. You bow to no one._  
  
He moans in despair. His shivering body convulses as he sobs into the night. He killed them. He killed all of them. He killed her. She had looked into his eyes as he crushed her heart in his fist.  
  
He had knelt at her limp body, so much larger than his, shaking. In the corners of his eyes, he had seen grey heaps scattered around him, had tried to forget their names. Time had seemed to slow as footsteps approached him. The voice had seemed far away.  
  
"Yes, well. It's alright now, little wolf. It's time to go home."  
  
The first of the raindrops had begun to fall on his face. Shaking, he had looked up into icy blue eyes, a kind smile, arms stretched out towards him. One hand had reached for him, and he had staggered to his feet, backed away from the outstretched arms.  
  
"Come now, Fenris. It's over. It's time to go home."  
  
The beginning drops of rain had landed on her grey face like tears, her eyes still wide with disappointment and death.  
  
The magister had stepped over her body towards him.  
  
"I'm not angry with you. It's alright now."  
  
The magister had reached toward his face.  
  
"We're going home, little wolf."  
  
He'd slapped the hand away before it could touch him. The shock in Danarius' eyes had been enough to make him say it.  
  
"No."  
  
The word had hovered in the air between them, both of them staring into each other's eyes, slowly realizing what it meant as thunder shook around them.  
  
He'd looked down at the circle of his brethren lying slaughtered around him. He had felt something boiling inside him, choking him. Rising in his chest, some strange, unnamed feeling swelling along with panic and horror at the sight of his friends lying dead and Danarius' stone face staring at him.  
  
"I am your master."  
  
Danarius had reached for his staff, taking a step forward even as he'd taken a step back.  
  
"You are my slave."  
  
Danarius' face had contorted into a threatening scowl as he'd slowly paced towards him. He'd continued backing away, the unnamed fire boiling in his veins as he saw the rain forming rivers of blood streaming from the bodies of the Fog Warriors.  
  
Danarius had stopped pacing, and stared darkly at him with the promise of reprimand, rain pelting at his face, gripping his staff tightly.  
  
"And you do as I command."  
  
As Fenris had glanced at the blood pooling beneath her crumpled body, the unfamiliar fire that he would later identify as rage flooded his veins.  
  
_Kadan._  
  
He'd raised his eyes to Danarius' calm, threatening face.  
  
_You bow to no one._  
  
He'd shaken his head.  
  
"No."  
  
He'd had mere fractions of a second to relish the feral snarl that ripped from Danarius' mouth before he suddenly felt the familiar painful tug at his brands. His mana depleted from the bloody fight, Danarius had nothing left but the lyrium in Fenris' skin. And that no longer belonged to him.  
  
It never had.  
  
And he was sprinting, Danarius' shouts at his fumbling guards to chase him fading away in the distance, the torrents of rain nearly blinding him. His rage and panic drove him faster and faster and then there was nothing but his rage and the rain and the endless jungles of Seheron.  
  
He cannot feel his toes on his bare, bleeding feet. The wind blows the rain into face, and he cannot distinguish the rain from the tears. They'd taught him how to be a person. They'd refused to let Danarius take him. They'd given him everything.  
  
And he'd slaughtered them. Because he'd been told. Because he was a slave.  
  
He is dying. His sobs quiet and he hugs his knees to his chest, leans his head back.  
  
It seems an eternity later that a figure appears in the downpour. He blinks slowly at the approaching figure, doesn't move. The figure of a boy in a strange hat kneels before him.  
  
"It's okay, you won't remember me."  
  
Fenris blinks at him, trying to focus. He is tired. He cannot feel his body.  
  
"It hurts, because you know it was wrong. You're angry, because you acted like a slave. But it wouldn't hurt for a slave."  
  
Fenris blinks confusedly at the boy. This isn't real. He is dying.  
  
"It hurts, because you accepted responsibility. A slave wouldn't do that."  
  
Fenris catches his words and holds on. He shivers and it hurts and he holds on to the pain and the words. The boy looks up at him from under the rim of his soaking hat, his eyes kind.  
  
"She was sad at the end, but she wanted you to be free. It was her last gift to you. You accepted responsibility for what you did, and that's why it hurts. Because you're not a slave."  
  
He blinks at the boy in the rain and sighs with an emotion that is not quite relief, as the words surround him like her warm, all-encompassing embrace.  
  
"I . . . am not . . . a slave," he manages slowly, his teeth chattering, the memory of her inciting rage and grief.  
The boy makes a small smile and holds out his hand. Fenris' body feels frozen solid, but the boy reaches and grasps his hand, pulls him out into the deluge.  
  
"You're almost there. The port is less than a mile from here."  
  
Fenris shakes his head, feeling faint from standing. "I . . . can't."  
  
The boy slings one of Fenris' arms over his shoulders, wraps an arm around his waist.  
  
"You can."  
  
The boy walks slowly, and Fenris follows his lead. He can barely feel his feet, but warmth slowly works its way into his legs as they walk. The rain never stops as they move through the vestiges of the trees, and beyond the treeline he makes out the beginnings of a village.  
  
Fenris nearly collapses with relief. He can smell the sea.  
  
"She wanted you to learn how to be free."  
  
The boy disappears but the words remain. He stumbles forward into the port town, feeling half dead, but almost alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read Asunder, but it might be that Cole isn't really a thing until much after this happens in Fenris' life. Thus minor canon divergence. I'm fine with it, though. Seems like a nice touch to me :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'd love comments! :)


End file.
